The In-Can Scuba And Me

This is a piece by Jethro Holman and it is about beer.

I recently moved up to London to go to university, It
instantly became clear to me that everybody drinks a lot more here and they
drink it hard and fast. Before living here I was based in Brighton, It’s a lot
more relaxed there. If we where all going out I would get about 6 cans in and
have around 2 hours to get them down and enjoy them. When this was the case I
used to drink Kronenbourg, it was my favourite lager due a lot to the image I
felt it gave of me to everyone else. For me Kronenbourg was a mans lager and I
cant really tell the difference between most lagers.

So after moving up to London it became clear that to be
socially accepted I was to be drinking more and drinking it faster. I picked up
my normal amount of cans and had a session before going to a club with my
housemates, I drunk my beers at the speed everyone else was and realised that I
had finished everything early and that I felt like shit. Due to the immense
amount of bubbles in a cheap lager I thought that I was going to have a baby.

This became my biggest problem with drinking beer fast,
there where a few different options to solve the bubbles issue.

-Drink spirits with juice/soft drink

-Go for the keg you buy from supermarkets

-In can scuba

After a few nights on the spirits I realised that is hit my
harder than when I was on the cans, I got far to drunk to quickly and peeked
before I even got to the clubs so this wasn’t really an option for me.

The keg seemed a good idea as it is about the same price as
getting the cans in. I had a couple of nights on the keg I felt like a massive
plonker as all of my mates are hanging about with bottles and cans and fro away
things while I am running back and forward to the fridge and hanging about with
a big pint glass. This is all very well and good if you are hanging about in
the pub in a gentler atmosphere but in my house when we are pre-drinking we
seem to listen to a lot of Grime and R&B to get into the mood. Therefore
wandering around with a glass isn’t a good move.

So my last resort was to go for the new thing of getting a
can with an in-can scuba. This is an odd little ball sort of like a ping-pong
ball with a hole in it that filters out the bubbled to make it taste like
draught. I soon realise that on these cans I can neck a beer in one or two
massive sips because there are no bubbles getting the way. So in an hour pre
drinking session I can neck 8 or 9 cans which for me seems to be the perfect
amount to have a good night. 

So for all you ‘lads’ who are having the issue how to get
the cans in and not feel bloated beyond belief I recommend to you the in-can
scuba, It has changed my university life and made my world a much better place.

JETHRO HOLMAN